Saturday, August 2, 2008
We'll Always Have Paris
Fedora's post-London email
Just got back from London, sooooo tired!
I can still feel the train swaying, so that bit is standing out in my mind, but after I get some sleep memories such as the London Eye (we got you some stomach-twisting pictures!), high tea at Fortnum & Masons (we planned my birthday party) and buying gay porn at the largest bookstore in Europe (there was some confusion as to to the price in sterling) will return to the forefront. We also saw the Lion King! It was really pretty and had hot naked guys!
At Hadley's Toy Store ( think FAO Shwartz with about a zillion more toys) we went to the Build a Bear Workshop! I built a BUNNY! His name is Oliver and I love him. He has a little London Bobby's uniform. With a hat. Pleasant got a bear named James dressed as a beef-eater, and Aunt Kathy got the bill.
How come you never told me about Kendall Mint Cake???
At Fortnum & Masons candy department:
F: What's Kendall Mint Cake?
K: I dunno. Why, do you want some?
F: Well, it is on the shelf here, and I read about it....
P: It has 'mint' in the name. We're getting it.
When we got home:
P: Let's try the Kendall Mint Cake!
F: It scares me..I still don't know what it is...
P: *opens it* It looks weird... *eats bit*
F: Well? What does it taste like?
P: ....try it.
F: *tries it* Pleasant, this...this is a brick of sugar.
P: YES!
F: It's sparkling. This is minty sugar. This would be FANTASTIC in tea!
K: Oi.
F: *finishes bite* Oooh, I'm all MINTY! I feel like I just brushed my teeth! With SUGAR!
K&P: ....ew.
I also bought souveniers today for my friends and...ooh! I forgot! We got two cashmere scarves in...the Gordon dress plaid. From a real plaid shop. They ROCK.
Well, the room is swaying and I have to tuck in Oliver. Aunt Kathy and Plez say hi, so do Oliver and James! There's a million exctiing events I forgot to talk about, but I'm sure you'll hear all the stories soon enough!
Enjoy your child-free weeks!
Bunny
PS FRIED BREAD! Combining my two favorite things...FRIED and BREAD!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Above It All Part 2: Why Stairs Were Invented By Satan
Heaven is up, right? That's what those crazy Jesus freaks tell us. Stairs were invented by Satan so that getting up towards Heaven would be as difficult and painful as possible.
This was proved a few days ago when I and two victims made our way up up up to the top of Notre Dame. 400 steps. I didn't count them, owing to my brain slowly dying from lack of oxygen. Every time I thought we were getting close, it turned out we were only at the giftshop. We were not allowed to leave the giftshop until the subliminal tourist-aimed messages had penetrated our brains to the point of making us spend a certain amount of euros. It almost worked on me, luckily I realized that a Fleur de Lemon or Notre Dame pin might mark me as one of the aforementioned Jesus freaks.
I also wanted the 1500 piece puzzle of the Paris skyline at night, but the last time I tried to do a puzzle at mom's house, she killed me.
"Come join the gods, come join the gods, who wants to come with me and come join the gods?"
But we got up there and it did slightly resemble heaven. The view was amazing and we kept going higher and higher until we were getting smacked in the head by cell phone satelites. We met a lot of gargoyles who strongly resembled my family members. And there was a man in a Quasimodo mask doing street theatre for the people in line. Very funny. Today I picked up a very very cheap copy of The Hunchback of Notre Dame just for giggles. The lil bunny took many pictures of me and of pidgeons.
"High in the sky, high in the sky, who wants to come with me and hide in the sky?"
It rained and winded and there were loud obnoxious koreans and also some very very fat americans. I swear to god there are only four of them and they just made thousands of clones of the same 8 months pregnant man with a fanny pack and dressed in shorts and sunglasses tied to his head with one of those cords I had to wear when I was a kid so they wouldn't break when I fell off of stuff. Also his fat, ill-groomed, hyperactive children. Usually two, a girl and a boy. And his wife, usually wearing the exact same clothes as her husband, desperately in need of a new hairstyle and some skin-softening cream.
Going down was harder then going up, as the steps were very slippery, and we were already quite shakey. Afterwards we found the mommy-doll and she and the three semi-catatonic dolls went to get drinks. My legs were being very vocal in their opinions of my activities, and refused to stop shaking. I firmy believe that they were trying to escape from further torture. They calmed down when I fed them a coke, which I would happily have killed for to change my poor appendages from jello back into Fedora.
Many other exciting things have happened in the last two days, but that's for the next time mom nags me into typing something that isn't a puzzle pirate command.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Above it all- Part I
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Suffering for Art


Sunday, June 29, 2008
Life and death, wine and chocolate


Saturday, June 28, 2008
From the desk of Pleasant!

So I'm finally doing a blog!
Day 9 in Paris. Last bag of crack eaten. (It's crackers, really!)
I know this was in high demand, and finally my mom and wonderful beloved sister talked me into sitting down and doing it. They encouraged me to write about the food, being a 'chef-in-training' at home, but what could I say beyond, it's French, and therefore even the sidewalk cafe crap is superior in every way to anything we have at home.
Despite my grave irritation with events such as mom talking to me, my sister demanding cuddles, and being devoured by bugs, Paris is turning out to be a blast. I solved the bug problem by the way, turns out I was sleeping under an open window. Who could possibly have figured that out? Stupid bugs.
So far this week I have said every terrible thought that has stomped through my brain. I have also begun repeating the phrase "Sheath for Jew Harp" constantly because I saw it written on a card in a museum next to a Medieval artifact. This has been my favorite thing in all of Europe and therefore an excellent punch line to nothing in particular.
Next week: Stalking Karl Lagerfeld. Have potential lead on his whereabouts. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The French has stolen my bucket, which contained cheese.
Fashion museum was odd. Full of dresses. P and I had fun picking out which ones we would wear to our first, second, and fifth weddings. Jewels were pretty, but we couldn't keep them.
I tried to pocket a white opal the size of a smallish egg, but the police apprehended me before I'd got farther then trying to pierce the glass with my lazer-vision. God these frenchies are greedy.
P is being snooty and refusing to blog, so tonight while she sleeps I will secretly turn on and unplug her laptop from the wall. When she wakes up and attempts to turn it on, there will be on power, and she will be convinced it has broken! This is a brilliant plan that cannot possibly fail.
Today as I attempted to do the Tidy Dance, she violently objected to my choice of soundtrack- Violent Pornography by System of a Down. This is a very peppy song that encourages me to pick things up off the floor! And also to use my TV to bring down democracy!
My demands to go to the Musee de Cluney have been largely ignored...except on the day it was closed. Attempted to take bites of the furniture, the 600 year old buildings, and my sister. Was hit many times.
The temperature is steadily rising as the dryer sings along with mom's ipod, and my chances of getting that war frigate before August decrease. Stupid internet economy. Tonight's activities will include food, more laundry, food, alcohol, yelling, food, my sister being a snootypants, and catching up on the Colbert Report.
I also have a sneaking suspicion that the flowers on this table are fake.
The End
GZ/Arts de la Mode

Monday, June 23, 2008
GZ- Here's the Church, here's the steeple!

The idea in coming to Paris was to show the girls some culture and history beyond their familiar US experience. But today I got a glimpse of perspective when Fedora (who identifies herself, as does Pleasant, as Jewish) entered a cathedral with me and looked up. Waaaaayyy up. She has not visited many churches, let alone a 17th century early Renaissance style church, one of the 'most beautiful' in Paris, St-Eustace in the Les Halles area. The organist was playing the massive pipe organ and hearing the music we both looked at each other and smiled and found a seat. It turned out to be the requiem for a funeral taking place in one of the side chapels. After a bit she got up and explore

I spent most of my youthful trips to Europe as a 'History Major' visiting, studying and sitting in ancient churches throughout France and Italy and it was actually the 2nd cathedral for me today, having stepped into St-Paul-St-Louis this

We had walked around the outside of Notre-Dame yesterday (Sunday) knowing we would come back on a less crowded day to go thru it and were probably not going to brave the 422 steps up the tower, even if those awesome gargoyles were waiting up there for us. Pleasant will join us for that one but today she was wondering Les Halles, shopping, because everyone has their own place of worship in Paris.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Fedora
Today we walked the entire Musee Picasso, and then decided it might be fun to take a look at Notre Dame. 150 miles later, we drag ourselves into a bistro for a plate of protein and a large glass of water. Somehow we got home, and are now attempting to rest through the pain.
I am expressly forbidden to sleep, but mom has passed out on my sister's bed, and Pleasant herself is taking what she calls a "computer nap"- sitting on her laptop, completely catatonic except for her fingers. So far she's the only one with reliable wifi. Stupid Apple slave bitch.
We didn't end up seeing much of the music festival last night, owing to the fact that none of us could stand up. We did see (and hear) the beginnings of an excelent rave going on right outside our building.
An interesting note on Paris traffic: It makes Los Angeles look like an amusement park ride. There are no lanes. Cars go wherever they want anyway they can. The crossing lights mean nothing. People cross the street according to some subconcious signal being broadcasted in French, so that I can do nothing but watch them and do what they do. We talked a bit about renting bikes, but I broke into a cold sweat at the though of trying to do anything in that rush of speeding metal other then avoid it.
The museum was interesting, Picasso reminds me a lot of Salvador Dali, just in terms of wackiness. Those 20th century opium addict nutjobs... I got a goat postcard to send to my dad, the family resemblance is shocking.
My attempts to discuss the philosophies of our various interests have been met with eye rolls, while the descriptions of my career in Puzzle Pirates resulted in outright hostility. Many people have pointed out to me that I'm majoring in a subject that, by definition, no one gives a damn about, but still I try. It does have practical upshots though, I could read the Picassos way better then the other two could.
My sister has been fashiongasming since we got here. I find it unfair that while her interests are uniligual (you can't translate a dress) my own are rather limited by the language barrier. I can't read french nearly at all, which slows down the book collecting sort of extremely. My shopping tolerance is low, very low. It's a form of torture for me. I not only don't care what I wear, but also don't fit into anything. My favorite outfit is a black tank top and a pair of jeans. I can imagine nothing more horrible then being made to try on things I don't like and then seeing how awful I look in them. Don't get me wrong, I like the clothes. But they were not made for people with eastern european genes. Slightly more tolerable, but only slightly, is standing around watching mom and Plez do the same thing. Adding to the fatigue and the boredem is the challenge of being asked what I think, and being forced to claw my way up into reality long enough to give some sort of opinion.
We actually haven't done too much of this so far, so this is mostly preemtive dread based on past experience. Lest I be accused of whining, I really enjoy window shopping, because it goes relativly quick, and you're usually progressing towards a goal of some kind.
Now mom and P are both asleep. Hypocritical bastards.
Anyway mom says not to make this too long, so I'll sign off for now.
TTFN,
Gossip Girl
Saturday, June 21, 2008
We arrive with Solstice!


Once checked in, we hit the showers and fought off the jet lag to head out for a bite at a local bistro where a cold beer and some amazing food welcomed us to Paris. The waiter was charming (required here, I think) and we all swooned for our first taste of the best ham, the best goat cheese, and the best smoked salmon we had all ever enjoyed. Barely able to keep out eyes open, we hiked up those stairs and all crashed- hard- by 6 or 7pm. Of course, that meant we all woke up again a few hours later, and by 2:00 am were sitting around the living room in jammies, wishing we had bought some goodies. Somehow we got back to sleep and began early Saturday, leaving the house by 9:00 am. It is the 21st! Summer Solstice!
Today we wandered- and ate- our way through the nieghborhood, spotting shops and cafes we want to go back to. Blocks from so much history, it was hard to not gasp at every corner, parc and church we passed. This area- the Marais in 4 eme. arr- includes the well known fountain filled park, Place des Vosges, Victor Hugo Museum, and one of my favs from trips here over 20 years ago, the Picasso Museum.
Tonight there is a Music Festival throughout the city, with free entertainment for all.